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the dregs

April 2, 2014


The Dregs



2 April 2014



I stood over the parched trays of transplants with a hose full of air dancing back and forth in my hand. I had seen some air shoot before, so I thought that in time the wet stuff would come out. But the only water that came out was the brown dregs of doom. I drove over the to well and saw an empty 10,000 gallon tank. I turned on the power and nothing budged. I called my best friend du jour Don at Ike’s Well and Pump Service and he recommended I call Foothill Electric.

I did call Foothill Electric and they sent my other best friend du jour Steve out to check the power. He cracked the panel and saw the safety had been kicked. He shoved it back in and hit the switch. We watched that big General Electric 60 horse motor jump and buck like he was a Brahma fresh out of the chute in Tulsa. We killed the power. No rodeo clowns came barreling out of nowhere to save the say.

“ Well, boy, you’re either dry or broken, way down below. Sounds like it was cavitating.”

Such speech can melt your spirit. In the manly talk of machines and dynamic systems, a few words stand out as especially illustrative of how seriously mysterious the Manworld of gizmos, engines and contraptions can be. This world is open to women, and women populate it often enough. But have you ever heard a woman say the word “ solenoid”? I have heard one or two repeat this word, looking as if they had taken a bite of lemon beforehand. It just won’t come out of a woman’s mouth the same as when a greasy ambassador from Manworld will offhandedly toss it out, as easily as he might say something like “wide receiver”, “ quark”, or “Bee Tee Yous*”. Lingo like this just ain’t fit for a woman to use.

I hold that the same be true for the word “cavitate”. If it’s cavitating, the unfathomable powers of the universe, borne by hidden vortices no device can measure must be involved. When the device, usually tubular, becomes involved with cavitation, how can one expect any good to come of it? In the  rolodex of the unchained mind, after cavitation, calamity soon surfaces thereafter, followed by crisis, collapse, clanging and cracked.









*BTU: British Thermal Unit, which is how we measure the functionality of hot water heaters or a furnace. The BTU was probably invented by or in honor of Lord Kelvin, born in Ireland, lived in Glasgow, who was into heat. You have to remember, that these Brits were at one time the Kings of Science. Guys like Isaac Newton, Michael Faraday, James Watt, even Bertrand Russell need to be spoken of much more often in comparison to, oh, say Johnny Depp or Jennifer Lawrence. Not to suggest that JenLaw is unremarkable.  At least Manworld gave us the Kelvinator to remember William Thomson (the First Baron Kelvin) by. With Watt you are always talking about how many Watts are in your light bulbs, which is  genius built-in. The Newton however, was a much-undeserved fiasco. You’re better off not even remembering it.

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