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Stop Blaming It On The Chemtrails

June 12, 2014

F O R A G E R

 

11 June 2014

 

It’s no use ranting about the random ‘Trails crisscrossing this mighty continent, a huge secret hiding in plain view. You’d think by now some Specialist 7 out in Lancaster would have got all drunked up one night at Mamie’s Bar and Grill and spilled the beans about all those canisters the spooks make him load in the fake airliners at Edwards Air Base. You’d think by now Edward Snowden would have revealed the horrors he uncovered while perusing the clandestine promise of Weather Enhancement. I can’t imagine anyone with any authority, be they from F’rack Obama’s White House, George Bush’s or George Clooney’s, who will suddenly come clean about the deadly sky doodles creeping us out. Besides, don’t you think these symptoms could be due to sunspots? Those things are rampaging now and sunscreen won’t help. Mercury is also in retrograde, to make matters more complicated. Don’t sign anything or get married until Mercury churns right. Ok? Factor in the full moon and you have ample reason to remain wary of Hurricane Cristina, dancing west of Puerto Vallarta and probably headed our way because of the dreaded…..Chemtrails.

Take those purple potatoes for example. These spuds are not genetically modified and they did not turn purple due to a surplus of ozone-tickling aluminate fairy dust spewing out at 33,000 feet. They are as purple as the day God made them, which was some time ago. They were so much smaller then. God had to make so many potatoes and the fastest way was to make small ones, figuring they would grow up and make Idaho proud one day. If you have ever been to the open-air market in Cochabamba, Bolivia (which is much nearer to God than Ventura County by a long shot) you would have seen colorful pyramid piles of weensy potatoes perched like rainbows on the ground. The potato is the gold of the Quechua; at least the seed is, because not too many edible crops grow on the windswept Altiplano, home to the Irish Potato. You know that Irish bit is absurd. No need to embellish. We gave you the potatoes, harvested by our own little hands this morning beneath the blessed fog, in lieu of Swiss Chard. I hope you don’t pine too fretfully for your chard. We had to give it a rest, whack half of it out of there, weed it, fertilize it and spray on some Mildew Cure.

Zuma said: “ So what’s in the Mildew Cure?”

Zuma had helped me hack at the chard bed all afternoon, all four hundred feet of it. Three lines per.

“ Good Question. I forget but let’s read the label. First of all it is approved for organic production by the Organic Materials Review Institute.”

“ Is that the government?” asked Zuma, beginning to sound doubtful, and rightfully so.

“ No, the OMRI is private. They are accredited by the government to research the ingredients and the manufacturing protocol. But they are not the government. So they’re pretty legit.

“ So what’s in it?”

“ Cottonseed oil, corn oil, garlic oil, oleic acid, lauric acid and sodium bicarbonate. Sounds like some kind of salad dressing.”

“ And it works?

“ Yeah it works better than Neem too.”

 

Today’s Share contains Cabbage, Lacinato Kale, Red Bor Kale, Cilantro, Celery, Beets, Green Onions, Red Onion, Romaine, Summer Squash, Potatoes and Snap Dragons. We are pretty proud of the celery, being that it was grown in Ojai of all places. You may have noted the organic celery is retailing right now above three dollars. Of course, who cares about retail?

By the way, don’t miss the current issue of Edible Ojai and Ventura County, which features Stoke Grove Farm, where our treasured protégés plant between swells. Wiley and the Crew are buried pretty deep in the Grove. Such a crowd of precious young creatures, so excited by nature and willing to stoop for their dollars. Unless they are harvesting oranges. HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

 

 

 

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Steve Sprinkel

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